Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
