i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
