If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize