on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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