Your tits are I can't wait for
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
