remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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