Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
