I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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