I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
