Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
