I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
