She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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