Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
