We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
