We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
