You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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