I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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