Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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