Are we in a gay sports bar?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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