They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
