I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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