that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
