Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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