I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize