I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
