Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
