i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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