gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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