RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
