My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
