seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
