You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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