my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize