dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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