I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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