from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize