Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize