Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry maggiewho hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(440): View more from Ohio

And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link

Fav 9 1128 2225
share tweet
(760): View more from California

i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped

Fav 54 3862 1301
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(765): View more from Indiana

So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.

Fav 23 5901 1013
share tweet
(916): View more from California

The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.

Fav 27 6455 1709
share tweet
(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.

Fav 9 3916 1767
share tweet
(816): View more from Missouri

I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand

Fav 10 2411 1267
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(360): View more from Washington

ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.

(425): View more from Washington

are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?

Fav 2 1542 872
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(706): View more from Georgia

Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start

Fav 1 347 102
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(870): View more from Arkansas

I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died

Fav 0 51 5
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT