Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
