I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it was like eating out sand paper
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
