I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
