theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
