he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
