Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
