dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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