Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
