dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
