question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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