i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Omg I joined a choir last night...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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