u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
