your thong is hanging out like whoa
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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