this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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