Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
