I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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