JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
