I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
