His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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