I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
