I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
