so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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