I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
