How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
