i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
