I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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