Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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