She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
