She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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