Your tits are I can't wait for
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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