Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
