OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i love accidental penises.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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