I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
