I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
