Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
