I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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