Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
is that a dick in a sweater?
Randomize
