he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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