maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
