U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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