I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
