Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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