i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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