I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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