I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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