The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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