haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We left an ass print on the piano.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
