I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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